Joyce Maltz in Miami, October 1999
Joyce Maltz in Miami, October 1999
Date: Wed, 24 Jan 2001 21:14:10 -0700
From: Maria Wetzel
Subject: Joyce Maltz, a joy!
Dear friends,
Although I was saddened at the news from Martha about Joyce's death, I started remembering all the times that I was in her presence and just had to smile. She ALWAYS made me laugh and smile; she loved life and loved making people happier.
The first time I met her and Ed was at Barb Pender's famous or infamous party in the spring of 1997. It was then that I heard that she had been a runner, had run marathons - yet here she was with a cane! But she was smiling and had a sense of humor that didn't quit.
Many of us were fortunate to see that sense of humor both in Portland and in Miami. Who can remember her without a grin? What a woman of talent! What an inspiration of loving life!
I've already missed her for some time now, the time that the cancer took her away from us, not leaving her enough energy to post to us; she is no longer struggling with this disease and rests in peace. She has left us with wonderful memories. Thanks Joyce. You will be remembered.
Maria
Date: Thu, 25 Jan 2001 23:08:59 -0500
From: Pat Tomchishen
Subject: Joyce
I am going to miss Joyce terribly, but like others who love her am glad that her suffering is over. When I think about Joyce, I think of that beautiful smile, and that off beat sense of humour.
We met in the bc chatroom and right off felt as though we had always known each other. It wasn't long into our friendship, when Ed and Joyce planned a cruise out of NYC, but came via Montreal so we could spend time together. They wanted to see the parliament buildings, so we headed up to Ottawa, only to find out that the tour of the buildings that Joyce wanted to take was fully booked. Joyce figured that they might make room for her if she was in a wheelchair, and insisted that Ed find her one. Armed with wheelchair she tried and was refused a second time. With that she glared at the ticket man, got out of the wheelchair, and huffed away.
We found ourselves on a dull tour which seemed never ending until one of the hostesses started helping me out (and holding me up). Joyce had that big smile on her face as she and Ed followed us down. I found out after that she had told the staff that I had bc and thought I was going to pass out and throw up.
Last week when I spoke to her she was having a lot of pain. She had decided to have no more chemo, and she told me she was going to win the race, and that I was losing. (We both tend to be a bit competitive so we had the who's going to die first competition.) Joyce could laugh at herself as well as at life and somehow having mets was a lot less scary, when we could share it together.
Rest in peace dear friend.
Pat
Date: Sat, 27 Jan 2001 03:36:50 -0500
From: Rebecca Kiley
Subject: Joyce / This List
Hi All,
Now, Joyce has left us, this woman of incredible courage. Who else could take the negative experiences of cancer and turn them into a stand-up comedy routine, that literally had us in tears of laughter? Who else could stare Cancer down like that, look it in the eye, and laugh at it? All of us in Miami were united for that moment in time, led by Joyce, proving again that even though we have Cancer, It hasn't got us.
I am reminded again of what an integral part of my life, this list has become. I can easier imagine myself flying over treetops, than I can imagine what my last five years would have been like without the enthusiasm of Sue Hunter, the wisdom of Julia Schueler, the inspiration of Bob Stafford, the compassion of Barb Pender, the kindness of Kathy Stone, the insight of Joyce Maltz..... I could go on and on. Every one of you, past and present, is so important to me.
I really mean it when I say, "I love you all."
Love, Bert
Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2001 12:23:49 -0500
From: Musa Mayer
Subject: The wisdom of Joyce Maltz
Dear All,
Since my return from Puerto Rico late Monday night, I've spent a lot of time ruminating about our losses, and rereading the posts I've saved from Joyce, over the years. I wanted to pick out something that conveyed for me the essence of the Joyce we knew, here on the list. Newer people on the list will not remember the cogency and straightforwardness of her writing, the way she could cut through to the heart of the matter. For many of us who've been on the list for a long time, Joyce was a real truth-teller.
Sometimes, what she wrote was hard for me to read--and I suspect for others, too--precisely because she was so hard-hitting and unsentimental. That was a quality she shared with Sue Hunter, as was her wickedly dry sense of humor. Back in May of 1998, Sue wrote a post to the list entitled "Don't call me positive," which struck an answering chord for Joyce. What she wrote in response will give those who didn't know her a sense of the clarity of her thought, and remind the rest of us of just how much we have lost.
Love, Musa
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I find that I am now avoiding most people, including those who have cancer and don't have metastatic disease. The one thing I don't need is judgement on my behavior, or a report card on my attitude. And this is not because I am hearing negative things from people. I hear positive comments on my "attitude" and my "bravery". I do not want to have to live up to anybody's expectations of me. I am absolutely annoyed that my disease has put me in a position where others not only sit back and judge my behavior, but in doing so, feel that they can tell me of their conclusions, and I am supposed to feel grateful for their good opinions of me.
I have reached a point in my life, and this is probably due to the fact that I have cancer, that I no longer wish to perfect myself. I don't read recipe books on "how to die", or even "how to live". I have gotten to the point, for the most part anyway, where I have pretty well accepted myself as I am. I feel like Popeye who says "I yam who I yam". That's where I am, now. I don't want to work to have others good opinion of me. I want to be who and where I am, and just let myself "be". I feel that I owe this to myself after a life of wanting to please others, accommodating myself to others opinions of me, or to fit in, and wanting to be part of the "insider" group.
It is a relief, and a lifting of a burden to not need to measure my behavior as to other's expectations of me. I don't want to die a "good death" as someone suggested to me. I don't want any rules as to how I am to die. I have the feeling that I will die as most people do, in a completely natural way.
We, in Western civilization, feel we are the arbiters of proper behavior, how to live, how to die, and if we were able, would probably have rules as to how to be born. We have taken our cultural values and mores and made them universal.
I am not living or dying in any way but that which my body dictates. I did not make the choice to have breast cancer, did not make the choice as to how it progresses, and will not make the choice as to how or when I will die. In the meantime, I live my life as a human being with all the emotional variations that entails. The fact that I have cancer has not made me "braver" or given me a "good attitude". I live my life as I always have, trying to muddle through the best I can. I'm sure that is no different than the rest of you.
Love,
Joyce